This week has been a rather difficult week for me….I can say it has caused me to do a lot of looking within to see what is going on. I can also say that tears really do cleanse the soul and God never waste a word said but teaches us in all circumstances. I have spent a lot of time the last three days in prayer, reading, searching, and talking to a couple trusted friends who know me well.
I can honestly say until this morning my emotions, not God were guiding my prayers and God is not going to honor prayers spoken out of pride and foolish emotion. As I was driving home last night I realized that God’s Will was not what I was seeking and so I began to really think. I realized that I needed to let go of my pride and let God do what he needed to do.
After everyone had breakfast this morning, I decided I needed to really take time to pray and listen to God with a humble heart. I have a cross from the Holy Land that I’ve had for many years as well as a few others and I took those into my hand, grabbed my bible, asked my kids to let mommy have a couple hours of “mommy time”, shut the door and came before God.
Before I even began to pray tears were streaming down my face, falling onto the Bible that sat in front of me. I cast my eyes toward God and began my praying. It was much different this morning, it focused on God changing my heart, my spirit, my reactions. It focused on God changing me and just me.
I finished my prayer time and actually had two bibles before me. Initially I knew what it was I needed to read but decided to ask God to guide my hand and show me what He would have me read. My eyes were still closed and I reached and flipped the pages on the side three different times until it felt like this was the place God would have me read. I placed my hand on a random section of the page just to open it but that is what God meant for me to read.
So here we are on Saturday, I speant a lot of last week in tears due to numerous factors, but this morning I have a sense of peace because I let go of my foolish pride and let God work within me to fix me. In the end, I am accountable for my actions and words and only me. God has called me to be accountable for the things I say and do so even my reactions should be pleasing to God not my foolish pride.
Thanks for reading my brain splatter.
